Saved the World Today
by museless22
Summary: Some days are worse than others. Yet another ficlet brought over from my LJ.


Title: Saved the World Today

Pairing: Sam/Janet

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: Stargate and all it's characters/etc. aren't mine. I just borrowed them.

Summary: It'll probably take you less time to read it than it will for me to describe it. Be prepared for angst.

Author Notes: Written back when Don't Ask Don't tell blues were getting me down. Not a problem I have to worry about anymore, Hooooooah!

Major Samantha Carter sat hunched over on the locker room bench, boots splayed out in front of her and uniform top half undone. The blond of her hair was almost completely hidden beneath the sweat and muck and a thumb print of blood that may or may not have been her own was smeared across her forehead.

_"You did good, Carter._" Colonel O'Neill had said as he clapped her on the back, more than once, puppy dog eyes full of admiration and more. She didn't particularly care to think about the "more" bit. It had been there for a long time, would probably continue to be there for a long time yet. She couldn't exactly tell him outright to buzz off, couldn't make it perfectly clear just how uninterested she was.

In a burst of restless, frustrated energy Sam hurled one of her unlaced boots at the wall of lockers. It bounced off with a resounding _clang!_, leaving behind only an unsatisfied emptiness.

_'I saved the world today. But if you really knew me... If any of you really knew me, you'd put a boot in my ass so fast...'_

Most of the time, Sam loved her job. Sacrifice came with the territory and she was prepared to give it. Everything. Anything. Then something would happen, as it always did, and her or her team would be declared MIA or presumed dead and when they finally returned she would see the haunted look in Janet's eyes and be reminded that she wasn't the only one sacrifice was being demanded of. Losing someone you loved was hard. Losing someone and not being able to say anything, having to pretend it didn't matter as much as it did...

Impossible. Sam didn't think she could do it herself.

The locker room door swung open and closed abruptly. She didn't need to look up to know the identity of the intruder. Of course Janet would come to check on her. Didn't matter what kind of crap the doctor had been put through, she always thought of others first.

"He-ey." Janet's tone was cautious, unsure of the Major's state of mind. "Thought I'd find you here."

"I'm sorry." Sam said thickly, focusing intently on the chucked boot, as though it might somehow hold the secrets of the universe.

"For what? You came back in one piece, that's all that matters."

"No, it isn't." Sam launched herself to her feet, pacing like a caged animal in what little walking room there was. "If we hadn't come back, if something had really happened... You wouldn't have even been the first to know."

"That's not important."

"It is!" Sam's eyes were more vividly blue than normal against the blood streaked back drop of her face as she whirled around, stepping in close. She gestured helplessly with her hands, wanting to pull the doctor to her and never let go, but at the same time being completely unable to. "You're the most important person in my life." She said, dropping her voice to barely more than a whisper. "If something happens to me, you should always be the first to know."

"This really bothers you doesn't it?" Janet reached out to bridge the gap between them, cupping Sam's cheek and gently scrubbing at the dirt stained flesh with the tip of her thumb.

Sam nodded as she leaned into the caress, squeezing her eyes shut. "It isn't fair."

"Of course it isn't. But I knew that when we started this thing. Hey, look at me."

Janet's brown eyes were warm, comforting, just as Sam had known they would be. Somehow that hurt more than it would have if she'd been sad, or even angry. What had she done to deserve such a woman?

"It'll never be easy, Sam. Doesn't matter when they tell me. But I'm okay with that. As okay as I can be. I love you. If doing that requires that I have to put up with occasional bull shit..." Janet shrugged. "I can deal. I don't want you worrying about it. When you're out there, all I want you to worry about is getting home."

"Someday it'll be different. Someday I'll be able to put a ring in your finger and they'll have to treat you right."

Janet smiled, a wistful twitch of her lips. "Someday, sure. But today, my girlfriend saved the world. What's say you and I go celebrate?"


End file.
